Tips to Countering The Negative Effects Of Having A Nanny Raise Your Child —In the busy world that we live in today, raising children has become quite tedious and almost impossible without the help of either a nanny or a family member. With the hectic life that is led by most couples, in finding means to an end, it has become necessary to indulge the help of extra hands.
In homes where the grand parents are alive, it is not unusual to have a grandmother stay around to help take care of the kids and raise them; in some other cases, the aunts or the uncles stay around and work with or without the nanny to raise the kids.
While it is pertinent to get as much help as possible in order to make the best life for your children, the negative effects of having a nanny or a family member raise your child would in the long run be evident. Aside the possibility for abuse (such as sexual, emotional or physical), you child may not be raised the way you want.
Worst of all, you barely have any idea who your child really is, and in the midst of trying to bring them the whole world, you end up losing them. There is a need to be able to balance work and family time in such a way that your children can relate to you and be raised, with you in control.
Here are a few important steps to countering the negative effects of having a nanny raise your child:
Countering The Negative Effects of Having a Nanny Raise Your Child
Create family time: As often as possible, you need to devote some time and space that will be for you, your spouse and your kids alone. No uncles, no aunties, no nanny or even any member of the extended family. Taking a trip out of the house to go sightseeing or just eating out during the weekends is one way to go about this.
Dedicate this time to talk to your children, listen to them, catch up with them, and let them tell you what is going on in their mind and lives. This is the best time you might have to know them before they grow up into adult strangers that share nothing in common with you.
Try as much as possible to avoid falling into the trap of judging and correcting them while they are talking, especially if they hardly get the opportunity. After they are done talking, you can then begin to relate what they have said to certain values you have laid out for them and how they have broken the trust you have in them by being naughty.
Discuss your parenting techniques with those helping you: If you don’t want your children being taught certain things, then discuss it with all those living with you. Whatever likes and dislikes you have against their parenting techniques, communicate it quite clearly and precisely.
This will really help to counter the negative effects of having the nanny or the helper train your child the wrong thing.
The characters of your children will be ascribed to you, regardless of whomever was responsible for bringing them up. They are your primary responsibility and you must do all in your power to make sure they turn out right.
Always be vigilant: Regardless of your job schedule, it is important to make sure your child is not being abused beneath your roof. When you are hiring domestic helps, ensure you get very good recommendations about them, and you they start working with you, watch them closely how they relate with your children.
Paedophile abuse is much more common than most people are aware of, and it seems most grown adults have been witnesses or subjects of some sort of sexual abuse without being aware. Therefore, you should always talk to your kids about this abuse, and other abuses, and make sure your child is free to confide in you, if anyone in the house is showing undue attention.
You can get a phone in the house, and encourage your children to reach you direct any time they need to speak to you about anything going on at home.
You shouldn’t be a Santa: Parents who are barely around with their children turn to Santa whenever they have the chance to be around; they try to please their children with everything. This is a very wrong approach to parenting and worse than any of the negative effects of having a nanny raise your children.
Even if you get to see then only during the weekends, you are still the parent and must be able to balance between pampering them and being firm with them. This does not insinuate that you should scold needlessly, but dad or mum’s presence shouldn’t automatically be a jail-free pass to be as naughty and rude.
Always give them boundaries; children must be given boundaries to doing things for them to be well grounded. Besides, they would respect you more when you stand your ground on certain points. You are the parent after all and not the jolly faced man with a bag of goodies.
Emotional abuse is a thing: A lot of post-millennial African parents were experts in disciplining a child, both physically and verbally. In retrospect, what those beatings and negative words achieved in reality was to breed adults with low self-esteem, and a propensity to violence.
A lot of times, the African mentality that you have to be extremely harsh with your words and your cane only draws an insurmountable line permanently between the disciplinarian and the child.
As bad as physical abuse is, emotional battery from careless words takes abuse to a whole new level. It is your duty as a parent to make sure your child is not being abused under your watch, not even by your grandparents, who lives by ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’ maxims.
To really counter the negative effects of having a nanny or a family member raise your children, communication is the key! The line of communication between you and your children must always be opened.