So, I went for one of my owanbe functions, aso-ebi on fleek, make-up was positively sizzling, and stilettoes popping. For once, village people did not prevail over the tailor and my dress was all shades of fitted and sexy.
As usual, reception squad activated – church or mosque ceremony no be by force. As the wedding party arrived at the venue, everybody gears up, looking forward to seeing the whole effizy and paparazzi of the friends and family dancing in and ushering in the new couple. Omo, na so hand fall oh. Uncle and Aunty newly married, whether they had forgotten to tell the friends to come and join them celebrate, I no know. Or maybe them just no get friend again, who knows?
So, dancing in was a flop. With all the existing gbedu that makes a Naija wedding reception hall into the most current club arena, with everyone wriggling and wiggling, getting sweaty and all, our couple no gree dance oh. They just jejely waka to their seats in front. Gbege!
The M.C tried to make us laugh and inject life into the party, but for where. After 30 minutes with no Jollof, iyan, Naija yam porridge, or ofada to show for our time, na so we sef begin vex. Ahan, for what na? How we go come rejoice with una wey food no go show face?
All my shakara and all for that wedding na wash, shey bobo wey never chop go get eye see fine girl? Ordinary small chops sef no dey ground. Our couple sef come dey do as if say na we force them to marry. Smile; dem no smile, dance nko; mbanu. Cutting of cake sef, dem no gree feed each other romantically, dey just dey serious as if say na interview.
When food no dey to lighten up the event, people don dey vex commot. Na that time we come see say dem dey serve food for one corner of the room. I was already praying to Jah and thanking him for redeeming this boring wedding ceremony as he saved the one in the bible. But then, na so food finish as dem never serve pass one half of the hall, even that half the food no reach. But then, as a sharp girl, I don position for one correct place where food go reach me.
Na so commotion start outside oh. So the bride’s fam had been commissioned with food provision, but the food got delivered one and a half hour into the ceremony. Apparently, the already agitated and hungry guests could no longer control themselves and remain civil, and instead, there was a stampede for food.
So all the fine bros, and sexy sisters just rush outside go collect food fast fast, dem no even let the servers reach inside at all. Patience level don enter zero, and the whole wedding ceremony became a riot.
Abeg, if you know you want to plan a wedding, put all things into consideration and make sure you make adequate preparations for your guests. Otherwise, your village people will triumph on the said day and take all the glory for the day; so do not forget to also commit the day into spiritually capable hands. Alleluyah somebody.
You can read The Ultimate 12-Month Wedding Plan Checklist Calendar to ensure your wedding no go flop!
Your favourite owanbe guest!